Sometimes I develop man crushes. Yeah, I said it! So what? I’m not ashamed. I have a smokin’ hot girlfriend who happens to look like a young, hotter version of Holly Robinson Peete. (Sexy, right?) You don’t have to answer that. I know she’s sexy. It was a hypothetical question, hence the parentheses.
Last week, I was gazing deep into the abysses, which are my girlfriend’s dark-chocolaty eyeballs. I couldn’t breathe and I felt like any attempt for air would have me hospitalized for The Bends. What was that suffocating feeling? Love. I began to caress her cocoa buttery skin. Then, slowly, an image began to appear in my mind. I couldn’t make it out at first, but it was accompanied by a voice. It sounded godly, like Morgan Freeman. (Or maybe it was that other black guy from the Allstate commercials.) This deep, seductive voice in my head started vibrating my panties. The room began to get hot and I began to sweat. I realized I was having an out of body experience (which, turns out, feels like one gigantic orgasm). I didn’t know what was going on. Am I dying? I thought. Is that you, God? Then the image started to become more clear. The heavy voice was coming from a white male figure. I was pissed. I lived my whole life thinking Jesus was a black woman. “Hey, big boy!” he said to me. The image became clear and I was rendered speechless. This hot, tingly sensation I felt all over my body (and in my pants) wasn’t caused by my girlfriend or Jesus (who is a black female). It was simply me fantasizing about Brett Favre.
This isn’t the only time I’ve fantasized about a man while I’m with a girl. Other culprits who’ve plagued my libido include (in order of sexiness):
- Myself (Is it wrong to get “chubby” while looking at yourself in the mirror?)
- The character Guido Orefice from Life Is Beautiful–the best movie ever made.
- Will Smith (Mainly because of his music, but also because of this scene from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
The time has come for me to add another man to this list. His name: Tony Robbins. He’s been around for a while doing motivational speaking, but it wasn’t until recently that he caught my eye with his swagg (translation for my gringos: confidence and style) and my ear with his velvety voice. Now, I’m not one for motivational speakers. As a matter of fact, I’ve only been motivated by one other person in my life (excluding myself, of course). That person was a blind man who was riding a bike (That man was my motivation for starting this blog. See “The ‘Impossible’ List” for details.) But this guy, Tony Robbins, knows how to talk.
I’ve decided to post this Tony Robbins video because much of what he talks about parallel’s my personal philosophy on goals, progress, personal change, and standards. For the many people who think my goals are impossible, you need to watch this video.
